What Hurts the Most
by Nasty Nikolo
Summary: So close , Yet so Far REWRITTEN . Emma Swan has spent nearly the last 2 years putting back together the pieces of her life after leaving Storybrooke. Something happens that requires her to go back , this time toting a toddler who has no idea magic even exists .
1. Chapter 1

Introduction

Big fat rain drops smashed violently against the window-pane, as another blast of thunder shook the glass in the room. The small child simply snugged further into her blankets , humming slightly to herself in her sleep . The room was well heated , despite the fact that the window was slightly ajar to let in fresh air. Emma Swan quickly made the three strides it took to get over to the lavender colored curtains before softly closing the window , preventing even more water from being added to the small puddle on the hard wood floor.

Glancing down at the ivory colored crib , she took in the child . A bright sea foam green pacifier sat nestled between small pouty lips , occasionally being suckled before resting between the 9 teeth that the child had. Wavy platinum blond locks were tangled every which way, having been snatched out of their small ponytails in the child's restlessness at being put to sleep. The 18 month old mirrored her in every way , from what she could tell by the pictures of herself from when she lived with the Swans. Bright hazel colored eyes , that were green most of the time , but would could over with bright flecks of Brown when she was 10 seconds from a full blown tantrum. In those moments , Emma was stuck because even though those were her eyes , they were also _HER _eyes staring back at her . Brushing an errant lock out of her eyes , she peered down .

Leianna Rubina Gisele Swan, such a mouthful for a tiny tot , she was often simply referred to as 'Leia '. That is unless she's being reprimanded. Emma's eyes swept the dimly lit room searching for a dirty article of clothing that she could use to wipe the mess up . Her mind jumbled as she let the thoughts plaguing her mind earlier run rampant now that her child was asleep.

'Ms. Swan, your presence is needed back in Storybrooke , Henry needs you' - The text read , nothing more , nothing less .

After a little over 24 months of nothing but static and silence , she received what she dreamed of when she first arrived back in Boston. A request for her to return . Yet reading that text message 6 hours previous had turned her insides cold . Of course the only way she was ever going to revive any type of contact with people from that god forsaken town would be if they needed something from her . And definitely the only way she would receive any type of acknowledgement from _HER_, would be if Henry truly and desperately needed something from her .

Her stomach turned violently at the thought . Of course she would go back . Back to the town that sucked her in and then spit her out when she outlasted her usefulness . Of course she would go back, if only to make sure that her son was okay. Then when that was finished , she would return to her life back here in Tempe Arizona , and pretend like the scars from nearly 2 years ago hadn't been ripped open. Swallowing down harshly , she began packing a bag for her daughter as quietly as possible . The sooner she got this finished , the quicker she could come back and pretend like the events from so long ago never occurred . She could push back from her mind the dimpled cheeked brunette who stole her heart back when he arrived at her door step at 8 years old . She could push back the sharp biting words his Mother would no doubt unleash once her feet stepped back across the town line . She would push it all back , to make sure she could be the best chance for the saving grace that was Leia Swan.

AN: So I'm back , and I'm rusty as hell. Please excuse all of the grammar mistakes , this will possible be the only chapter written from my phone so you can expect me to actually proof read before posting lol. I'm actually going to be rewriting ALL of my previous works , now that I have the time since graduating . This is the rewrite of So close , Yet so far. Be gentle please lol. Much love


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter One: 1000 Miles Away **

_"Children need roots Ms . Swan"_

_If that statement never rang through fully for Emma , it certainly did now. Raising Leia for 18 months alone was completely different than the two years she spent trying her best to help 'raise' Henry . This time she had to go through the diaper changes, teething , having to call out of work whenever her child developed a slight fever and couldn't go to daycare. She had to deal with deciding whether or not she was pro-vaccine or not . She had to deal with that option also being taken from her when she was handed her autoimmune compromised child. Every single meticulously decision that was already decided when she entered Henry's life , was placed in her hands the moment Leia's 3.9 pound body was placed on her chest._

_Hell even her pregnancy with the two vastly differed. As much as Emma hated to admit it , Henry's was far easier , if only for the fact that she had no trouble carrying to term. With Leia , every time she turned around she was facing bad news . Her eyes trailed down her daughters tiny body, briefly stopping at the 4 inch vertical scar that was still pinkish and slightly puffy around the edges. She was assured at every single doctors appointment that the healing process of the scar was normal, and everything was going as well as expected. Yet that did nothing to ease the guilt nor the panic that she felt . She remembers when her obgyn asked her if her heart was broken. It was such a weird question at the time but she was compelled to answer it honestly and truthfully. And then he delivered some of the most heartbreaking news she ever received._

_'Your baby feels everything you feel. Your happiness , your hungry and cravings , your joy... but she also feels your loneliness , your sadness ... I'm afraid to tell you Emma but you baby has a broken heart'_

_A broken heart indeed. He went further into explaining the exact medical terminology behind it and future treatment plans but she wasn't listening._

**END OF FLASHBACK**

"Of course of all the days of days that the heavens would open up and coming crashing down, today would be THAT day!'" Emma huffed exasperated. She knew she was being overly dramatic, but that did nothing to stop the nervous bubbling of her stomach. At this point, she was running to the bathroom every 15 minutes unsure of what end her nerves were going to come spilling from.

"Well when it rains in Tempe…." The brown haired man spoke over his shoulder as he carefully measured out the toddler's medicines into six different syringes.

"It pours! I know Flynn…" Emma sighed sinking into the kitchen barstool, chin resting in her hands as she contemplated several ways of how this could go down.

"Look, I know this is unexpected-"Flynn turned to the younger woman, eyebrows pinched in worry at the haggard look she was sporting.

"Any contact is unexpected! Regina texting ME, is unexpected! Regina texting ME that Henry needs ME, now that is absolutely fucking ridiculous! She never even let me say goodbye to my son!" Emma hissed out her interruption, her fist meeting the granite countertop harshly, immediately stinging with regret.

"Em… there's no use living in the past. Nothing you say or do, nothing she says or does is ever going to erase or change **_anything_** that happened. No amount of apologies or tears is gonna make that right for you. But this is your chance to speak the truth." He attempted to sooth the angry beast that was under the surface.

"AND ZELENA HAD THE AUDCITY-" Emma started to shout , a familiar feeling scratching its way under the surface of her skin begging to be set free. This was exactly the reason why she was so hesitant to go back to the little quaint town tucked safely off the map. She knew the moment she stepped into town that her magic would seep out of every tiny minuscule pore that she had and she truly doubted her ability to control it. Especially if magic truly is emotion. Her shout also seemed to startle the babe who was content kicking her little feet in her highchair.

The small cherub face toddlers face screwed up, and that bottom lip went to trembling, blood rushing to the surface of her skin as she let out a shriek before the waterfalls started. Emma mentally slapped herself, before making quick work of scooping the child out of the seat and starting to bounce her.

"Zelena had the audacity to tell me that her sister deserved to know her child! No matter that, her sister ripped me away from mine. That she used Henry as a pawn in all of this! While I had to deal with the fall out of all of this! Those people don't even know! It was strictly my burden to bear!" Emma gritted out, trying desperately to calm her child.

Leia belonged to **her **and her alone! Regina did nothing more than offer an assistance in the conception of the child. Moreover, if she was going to take the words right out of Regina's mouth, that did not make her a parent.

"That burden belongs to everyone in that town!" Flynn argued

"Ryder…" Emma sighed , knowing that this also was something that was not easy for him. That town had taken just as much if not more from him than it had her.

"NO! Every one of those sick sons of bitches is going to know! That their words have power! And when they cast judgment before knowing the TRUTH, how it negatively can influence someone's life! They have condemned those who have helped them to a life sentence and others to a death." Flynn Rider briefly turned away from the mother and daughter duo, who reminded him too much of what was taken from him back in the Enchanted Forrest. His wife and child, burned alive, inside of the tower that had once been a prison turned into a home for the two. All because she was accused of witchcraft during the height of the Evil, Queens impending curse. No matter that, she only used her powers to help others, to heal them… The same breath of life she pushed into each and every sick child, teen and adult that came to her for help, was the same life they snuffed from her and their daughter. Before he could get too lost in thought, the sweetest baby babble he had ever heard since Peyton's death dragged him back much as it always did.

"DaDaDaDaDAHHHHH!" Leia giggled from her mothers's arms, reaching for the man who had protected her from the womb.

"Ryder-"Emma tried again.

"No! They ran you out of town last time, forcible! They trashed your place, your things! Vandalized your car, and some of them were even bold enough to accost you! You were pregnant for heaven's sake, Rapunzel!" By this point, he was tugging his hair from the roots.

"Emma." The blonde-haired woman responded patiently.

"What?" He looked up at her confused, before reaching to take the baby before she started fussing. Her medicine had warmed up a bit since coming out of the fridge, so she would most likely take it now with minimal fuss. He gestured with his eyes to the syringes for Emma, who immediately jumped into nurse mode that came with parenting the special child. She quickly dispensed the first 4ml of medicine into the tot's mouth, watching her swallow the mouthful. Then the next 5ml, then 4ml, 6ml and so on until she had the last syringe that Leia always fought down. It was the worst tasting one for the little girl.

"Not Rapunzel, Emma." Emma spoke slowly for him, knowing how he got whenever the two blurred. Their relationship was far from romantic, strictly platonic but that didn't mean that sometimes situations didn't get blurred even when feelings don't. Emma didn't fault him. He had in fact been in Leia's life since before she was born. He was the one who quickly cut her cord before she was being rushed off. He was the one who carried her car seat from the hospital the first time she was released and he was there to carry her car seat on ever trip and surgery since. Still occasional filling the void for a child while his no longer was around to beg to be piggybacked through the tower got to be a bit much.

"And this little munchkin is Leianna, not Peyton." Emma made quick work of the last 3ml syringe her daughter needed to take. Numerous things helped the tot live a normal healthy life. ACE inhibitors , beta blockers, diuretics, steroids , anti-nauseous medication, and the always filled prescription of antibiotics just in case. Leia was born with a very rare kind of congenital heart disease, truncus arteriosus, accompanied by ventricular septal defect. Once that was successfully managed around 13 months another devastating blow, she also had Addison disease. Three open-heart surgeries, and numerous other operations including the placement of her G-Tube, and she was still here fighting.

"I know… I know" Flynn sighed, smelling in the fresh scent that seemed to stick with the baby despite the fact that she was no longer a newborn.

"We should get going , it's going to be a long flight, especially since this grumpy girl isn't going to get her shows in the sky. Do you have the car seat? The one that turns into the stroller?" Emma asked , scanning all of the items she was going to attempt to shove into a Lyft that was going to take them to the airport.

"No, I thought you said you wanted the white one, because you wanted her to get used to it for when she grows out of that one." Flynn scrunched up his nose. Leia giggled and mimicked him, snorting through her nose.

"No, that's a brand new eight hundred dollar stroller; I'm not taking that on an airplane! It's _white!" _Emma huffed in frustration.

"Look, the wheels on the Doona aren't going to be suitable for Storybooke, at least not for her walks. I think you should take the Uppa Vista, and the Nuna for the airplane and whatever car you decide to rent while you're down there. Yeah its gonna be a little less convenient the first time, but in the end its gonna work. Trust me." Ryder soothed, as the Lyft beeped its horn.

"Alright but you're lugging that thing to the car and to check in." Emma grabbed the baby from him so he could grab the car seat before they proceeded to head off.

"So this is where we part ways, Your Highness!" Flynn said with a mock bow. Everything had been checked in so all Emma had to do was walk down to the gate with her and Leia who was fast asleep in her arms. She was thankful in this one moment that her daughter weighed no more than 15 pounds; the little girl was short and light. Emma had no clue whether that was from the fact that she was only just beginning to eat on her own as part of her oral therapy, the fact that she was premature, or like most babies born with chd she suffered with failure to thrive for an extremely long bout. Either way Emma was just glad the girl was slowly starting to catch up, finally reaching size 6-9month clothing.

"We're going to be back soon, hopefully. If this trip last longer than two weeks, I want you to ship the Doona to Boston, and I'll pick it up from the spot. You remember the address right? If not I can always email it to you? Shit do you still even use the same email?" Emma rambled nervously, she hated flights. The last time she was on a flight was when her daughter was being airlifted to a hospital who specialized in her first open heart surgery.

"You're gonna miss your flight. So quit your worrying, it will all work itself out." Flynn gently nudged her along, he had already said his goodbyes to the child at hand. Now it was his turn to set free the birds, and see if they would come home or if they would find home somewhere else.

**AN: All mistakes belong to me, for the record Flynn and Emma do not have a romantic relationship currently, but they are a family in the sense that they are there for each other. More on the dynamic of their relationship will come out later. This story obviously does not follow cannon, but I thought I should also make the disclaimer. To the reviewer who asked if Emma will be meek in this one. The answer is no, however it will also be explained how she became the person who she is. Any questions , comments or concerns, feel free to let me know.**

**-Always Nasty Nikolo**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three: Sweet Home Ala-Storybrooke!**

"I'm sorry Ma'am, we don't have any more vehicles available right now. In fact, all of the other agencies in the next 100 miles are fully booked up for this weekend." The sales representative at the car rental place tried to explain. Emma could feel her eyebrow twitching as she tried not to explode with her child still dozing away in her arms. Leia had slept the way to the airport, the flight and now as they were seemingly out of a vehicle that was supposed to take them the rest of their journey.

"So what you're telling me is I PRE-BOOKED a car, you people TOOK MY MONEY, and now you have NOTHING left?! NOONE has ANYTHING?" Emma seethed, emphasizing her point every few words.

"Yes, I'm sorry. There seems to have been a glitch in the system. I wish I could explain it further but I am going to be completely honest and tell you that I have never seen anything like this before. We are currently working with upper management to figure this issue out, and I am deeply sorry for the inconvenience this has caused you." The man replied sympathetically, while casting a look down to the babe in her arms.

"What am I supposed to do? Run to the dealership and buy a car?" Emma was close to tears of frustration. She already did not want to make this trip back to Storybrooke, but she was. For Henry.

"Well that is always an option, and you could return it back before the 30 day warranty is up and receive all of your money back as well. It just seems to be a hassle….. What I can do for you is call you a cab or a carpooling service to take you to your destination. Free of charge of course, while we work on refunding you the purchase price of the rental. If you save your receipts, we will also be able to reimburse you for the cost of the Lyft or Uber until you can get into a vehicle." The man offered, while typing away at his computer to refund her back her purchase.

"I don't even know how long I'm supposed to be staying…" Emma shook her head as she ran options through her brain. She was in need of a newer vehicle back in Tempe, but she was unsure of how Leia would take the drive back instead of the plane. Then again, she could use this as a road trip opportunity with the child and show her a few things along the way.

"I-Uh… is there a Subaru dealership nearby?" Emma exhaled deeply, now she would have to go through the process of selling her old Outback once she returned because there was no way she was going to be paying insurance on two SUV's.

"The closest one is about 9 miles away; would you like for me to request you a ride?" He asked pulling out his company phone.

"Yes please." Emma rolled her eyes looking down at all of the heavy items she was now going to have to lug around.

* * *

"Okay Ms. Swan, we have our experts installing your car seat right now, it should only be a moment. Here are your keys, again just a reminder because you had our previous model. The Ascent you have chosen is going to be slightly different. It is slightly larger but you also get all of the same safety features. It's a push to start, so when you're getting the baby in and out, you don't have to worry about having the keys on hand, as long as they are near the car, the car will run. Did you have any other questions for me?" Rico, the car salesman who saw how flustered she was walking in had been a great help.

"They're installing the car seat rearfacing , correct?" Emma asked, watching her daughter crawl around on the carpet inside of the small office.

"That's correct; we also gave the car a show floor ready finish, even though it's brand new. It has been covered in Zebart as well; these Boston winters tend to be a bit harsh. I took the liberty of having them put your suitcases as well as the strollers into the vehicle as well for you. They should be pulling it up momentarily." He confirmed. The paperwork had all been signed, all that was left for her to do was buckle Leia in and making the stomach churning drive back to a place she swore she would never go back to.

"I can't thank you enough, this has been extremely stressful. I'm just happy to have transportation to get her around." Emma thanked him, while standing up to collect her child. The bright white and black Subaru Ascent was shining as it slowly pulled up. Emma was giddy to slide into the buttery leather seats. This was the first new car she had ever purchased. Before she did not see the point, especially when she first bought her old Outback to have something safer to drive around with a newborn. Leia's medical bills during the first 5 months were damn near crippling. Then every surgery on top of that. Her medical bills before insurance kicked in was well over 2 million dollars before she even hit a year old. Between her NICU stay, the premature birth, medical procedure after medical procedure, the cost of medications and therapy, added to the fact that Emma had zero experience dealing with anything like this, it was extremely overwhelming. Even after insurance she still end up paying the cost of a house out of pocket to make sure her daughter had access to every available treatment possible.

"It's no problem! The next time you are ready to upgrade, make sure you stop by." He shook her hand firmly before walking her down to the car. Emma double-checked to make sure the car seat was secure before she buckled her daughter in.

"Okay Baby Girl, Storybrooke here we come." Emma whispered, pecking her daughter on the head and receiving a dimpled cheeked grin in return,

**AN: All mistakes are mine, will edit later. The next chapter should be up soon, and Emma will come face to face with the town and Regina.**

**Hello Peeps, I appreciate the questions that all of you have and encourage you to ask more. First disclaimer, this story is slow burnish at times. Many of the details that you guys have questions to, have been implied or will be revealed in future chapters. Remember we are only in chapter 3 of 35, so everything that needs to come out will come out. I did previously mention that more of the dynamic of Flynn and Emma's relationship will come out in later chapters, while also mentioning that they are not romantically involved. Leia's parentage is also heavily hinted, but will also be clearly stated how/why/and what occurred. Flynn is also a Disney character, who I decided to use from the movie tangled. He has been used in some of my previous works as well. So you can expect to see him frequently . So if you don't know him yet, don't worry I have no problem fleshing his character out for you guys J. If you guys are confused about anything else, I encourage to ask me. I'm very open to communication**


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